This is how I'm messed up about men.

How I am messed up about men....where could I begin. I really didn't mean to make that rhyme, but honestly, I could go on forever about how I am messed up about men. It's unreal. I am intelligent enough to know that I continuously go down this path of self destructive choices that lead me to once again reject every man I've ever known only to wish I could meet "the man" that is "the one." Does he exist? Who knows. Basically, since I am not an avid blogger, I know that I don't have any readers, at least not any regular ones, so I could potentially use this site as my own personal dating diary, or drama diary, or lack thereof. Names will be changed or omitted on the one rare opportunity that someone I know would log on.
So, I live in a world where I am always in a constant battle with my own mind. I perpetuate these cycles that I know are self-defeating, yet I don't stop them. Now, that's not to say that I am crazy, because I don't think that I am that different from any other woman out there, but I may be a bit more extreme. Or maybe I just think about it more. There is a reason that I majored in the mental health field---I have a lifetime of experience in analyzing problems and contemplating alternative courses of action. I spend all of my time helping others, but can never truly help the one person that needs me the most.

Guess I'm not so smart after all.

I don't think I really understand how all the "extra perks" that go along with blogging work. Like Pay Per Post and such. I'm a bit confused. And really, the sad thing is that I am a smart girl. I have a master's degree for crying out loud and I cannot figure this out! Frustrating.

How a child's mind works?

So, I got to spend some time with my nephew this weekend and it was so exciting how much he talks to me and about me. It makes me feel really special that this little 2 year old would be so bonded with me. Of course, I'm no mom or dad, now they are top-notch in the special category, but I know that I'm in his top 10, if not his top five. Those are the little things in life that make all the bad stuff we deal with from day to day more bearable.
The way his mind works is just amazing and although all people say this about their children (or nieces and nephews), but I really think mine are geniouses. Kyle told his mom, "That's Aunt Nanie's car. I tink maybe we ought to wash it." Yes, I left out the H in think on purpose, because he is so dutchy and it's just cute. But really, what a very unique thing for a 2 year old to say.
Of course, I also have two other nephews and I am very excited for the day when they start to talk more. Everything they do is already very cute, but it's so facsinating to try and think of how a child's mind works. While we were shopping, I wandered off by myself and Kyle said, "Mommy, where'd aunt Nanie go (which sounds more like doe)?" Heather said, "I don't know, did you lose her?" Kyle replied he didn't lose me, that his mother did and they continue this argumentative-type game back and forth as he does with anything. However, when Kyle spotted me he proudly bosted, "There's aunt Nanie! I find her." Precious.

Permanent residence????

So, I have been contemplating the idea of trying to buy a house for some time now, but it seems that something always keeps coming up. Like now, I am saving for a trip to the Bahamas for a wedding. Not even mine. So I keep asking myself, is it really a good idea to be spending all this money on trips and stuff when you want to buy a house? Is this really good investment thinking? But, on the other side, I also know that this is the time when I should be out enjoying life, while I am not tied down to a morgage or children. However, I know that it's a really good market for home buyers right now, that I should jump on it. But then, I think...is my credit going to be good enough? Am I going to be able to afford this? Probably not. Ugh! What's a girl to do? The agony!